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… not enough time. I really need to get ready for church. But I need to gather my feelings… and I just can’t keep up with them all in my head. It’s just so much easier to write.
I think my most overwhelming feeling is fear. I know fear is not of God, but I am afraid. I’m afraid for Caleb really. I want to be there to protect him and make sure he is alright and happy. That sounds really “mother-ish” but it’s how I feel. I’m also afraid that something might happen between now and 6 months… but that is a silly fear. I am also afraid to move 3500 miles away to the Arctic. That’s really scary. Financially it will be almost impossible, and physically… I don’t know how to survive in that sort of climate.
My next feeling is excitement. I am so excited for what God has in store for me… and Caleb. I know God is working and He has work for us to do. I’m excited for what God is going to do in Caleb’s life in the next few months. I don’t think its possible to live there without gaining a new perspective on life. Our character will be tested in this journey. Our character will be tested before I even move there. And going back to the feeling of fear… I fear that we will be different people in 6 months because the test was too much for us to handle. But I really hope that won’t happen.
No matter what, my trust is in the Lord. I know He sent Caleb there. Therefore, I know He will keep Caleb in His hands, and out of evil and harm. I know without a doubt this is God’s will for both of our lives. My faith in God is the only thing keeping me sane right now. Without Him, I wouldn’t dare to attempt embarking on this journey… I wouldn’t even think of it.
So… Thank you, Jesus for keeping me sane. Thank you for using Caleb and I to enhance your Kingdom. I am honored. Please help me to fully trust You every step of the way. Fear is not of You and I rebuke it in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Ok I’m really going to be late for church. Have a great Sunday!
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